So I was doing some packing tonight and I have been kind of putting off packing some of your stuff because although I plan to put it back up once we move, it somehow feels wrong to pack your stuff away in a box. Anyway, so I got up the nerve and did it tonight. Well as always I am bawling when I get your stuff out and loving on it and just wishing you were here...well, I was loving on your little hat and I was looking and I found one of your hairs! Oh my gosh...I started freaking out! I never got a lock of hair from you and now I have one little tiny hair of yours and now I am terrified of losing it! I stared for a bit and just cried and then I thought, "crap...what if I breath and lose it?!?" So I got up and held it tightly and put it in a baggy so I never lose that hair. Who would have thought that a hair would have effected me so much? But I now have one more piece of you that I never thought I had! I am in love with the hair! I hate that life has to move on without you, but it does and I miss you so much. I have always felt that with everyday that goes by that I feel farther and farther away from you but now I try to look at is as it being one day closer to when I get to see you again! Know that I love and miss you very much, more than anyone can understand.
Love, Mommy
Love, Mommy
2 comments:
Oh Alison how sweet that you found a hair. Isn't it amaing all the small and tiny things that we love that help us remember them. I am sorry that life moves on without Harrison too but I never looked at it that way, its one day closer to being with them. Thanks so much. I finaly started a blog for Harry, I have been wanting too for quite sometime but I was scared. www.harrysinheaven.blogspot.com Its been so helpful and i've connected with so many mothers liks us unfortunately but it has helped. Thanks for you example.
Ali,
I haven't read this blog in a while and here I am reading it now and it is bringing me to tears. The post just before this one talked of how you imagine Bryce would be right now were he here. How you wonder if he'd be a little heathen driving you crazy or if he'd be a perfect angel. It reminds me a little of my own life. When I nearly lost Braden at birth I just kept praying that heavenly father would let him live. I knew that Braden had suffered lots of brain damage and would have some disabilities, but I didn't care... I just kept asking for the chance to have him stay here with me. There have been times that Braden has really tried my patience and I think to myself, "I didn't ask for this, why did I get such a wild child." Then I remember that I did ask for it... I wanted him no matter what. And remembering that makes everything okay. I'm no longer angry, but grateful. Reading this blog has made me grateful yet again, but at the same time I truly hurt for you. I loved reading that you found one of Bryce's hairs...what a treasure! I can't even imagine what a joy that is to have! I also like that you mention each passing day doesn't take you further from Bryce but closer. I'm sure he is looking forward to being with you again too.
Kathy
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